Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
