you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Welp...herpes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
