doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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