What did we do last night that was yellow?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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