he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
