weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
