Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
