Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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