I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"