I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.