It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
