be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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