I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
