I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
