how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
