You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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