yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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