I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
