Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
