you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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