He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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