so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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