So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
