I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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