I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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