first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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