thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
