i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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