Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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