Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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