woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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