out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
