A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dicks are not precious.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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