you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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