I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
