Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
