Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
