also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
