If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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