My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
