i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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