how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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