saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
