I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
