I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
