I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
