You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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