I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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