"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
