This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Someone shattered a urinal.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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