just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
