i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
