He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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