I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
