Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
