The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
