watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
