guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
