I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
