remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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