Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
