He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
