R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
