I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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