I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
