She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
