I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
