we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
