He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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