The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
