so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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