im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
