I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
